Friday I had an appointment with my doctor to find out perhaps why we haven't been able to get pregnant since the miscarriage. I didn't realize how hard this appointment would be. From the time I drove into the parking lot until I left, I could feel the sadness and devestation from the last time I was there to have the d&c. It was eerie... to say the least. I felt like the same person, like I hadn't grown at all since that time.. and I hate that feeling. I hate feeling like I just stopped living at that moment.. that the past 6 months have been meaningless.
This weekend I was on the worship team in Conway.. Always an amazing experience. I believe God uses these services to speak to me while he has my attention. This weekend he reminded me that He is not the enemy and instead he's the one fighting for me and that I don't have to drown anymore. Simple, yet very powerful to me. I pray that this restored hope that my God is for me will stay with me and will remain with me even when the enemy lies to me.
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