Rainy days often make me bored and reflective... here's what I have so far.
Right now I would be in my 8th month of pregnancy... most women who have miscarriages and want to try again, are usually pregnant within the next few months. This has not happened for us.. Every pregnant woman I see is a reminder of this.
That being said, I think I'm getting better at handling the sadness. I'm not as bitter as I was before.. I can now genuinely be happy for people who are blessed with what we had taken away.
When I talk to people about this, they try to reason with me.. they try to remind me of the logic that these things happen and God has a plan.. How many more times can I say that I know this?..
My problem is.. I've never experienced real tragedy.. until now. And the tragedy that I have to face is the one thing that I've always wanted. It's hard to find your footing after that. I've always struggled with faith.. and believing for the one thing you fear of losing the most is sooo hard..
That being said, I'm working on it.. any encouragement is greatly appreciated. I don't really know how to build on faith, but I feel like he's taken me to ground zero so it's only up from here.
I promise, one of these days I will stop talking about all of this... I will move on one day.
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