Precious Memories

Edited: I wrote this blog almost a year ago. Mamaw was in the ICU, they said her brain had been without oxygen too long and there was no way she would come out of the unresponsive state she was in. But these doctors didn't know her. She was the strongest person I've ever known. Survived a house fire when she was a teenager and many many many health issues since. There were many times we thought "this is it" and each time she fought her way back. Biggest, most stubborn survivor, ever. This time was different. This time she didn't want to fight. For the past 3 months she only talked about how lonely and sad she was. "You just can't imagine" is what she would say. "You can't imagine losing your husband of 55 years". "I just want to talk to him. I want to see him." So I believe with all my heart that she set her heart and mind on it today and Jesus obliged.

January 15, 2016
Mamaw, you're not gone. I'm not going to act like you're gone because the fact is, you're still here. But, you don't have to be gone for me to honor you.

Not sure where the nickname "Presh" came from.. Mom said you stole it from her. Who knows.. but I know you've called me Presh my whole life. Just like Papaw has called me sweetheart.

One of my earliest memories is of Mark and I barricading the door and crying our little eyes out because we didn't want you and Papaw to leave. You lived just down the road and we were always with you but we never wanted you to leave.

Another early memory is staying at your house on Saturday nights before church. We had the sweetest bedtime routine of eating ribbon candy and looking at painted rocks. Every Sunday morning I would lay in your bed while you would get ready I would listen to the Southern Gospel music fill the house along with the smell of Papaw's coffee.

You sold Avon and had all of those little lipstick samples and sitting at your vanity was where I learned how to do makeup and best of all, how to apply it modestly so it didn't look I was wearing any.

When you moved to Wetumka, you had that adorable yellow house that you loved so much. It was there when we discovered that we loved eggs with velveeta cheese. We called them "eggs with cheese inside and out" because you would add cheese while cooking them but then top them with cheese too. At that house, you and Papaw really expanded your green thumb and created such a beautiful garden in the backyard. We would play cricket even though we had no idea what we were doing and you and Papaw would watch the hummingbirds.

Your house in Holdenville was fun too although my greatest memory there was when you and Papaw were fighting (and boy could you guys fight).. both so opinionated and stubborn! I got really upset and ran to your room and cried. When Papaw found me, he asked me what was wrong and I said I was really scared because I didn't want you to get divorced. Papaw laughed and hugged me. He said "we may fight like crazy but your mamaw is my sweetheart and there's nothing that will change that".

The tea party place. I had so much fun getting dressed up and having tea with you.

We moved to Arkansas when I was really young but you were never strangers. You visited all the time and stayed for long stretches. Whenever Mom had Michael and Morgan, you and Papaw stayed for several weeks each time. We shared a room when Morgan was born. I slept on the floor and you had my bed. In the mornings you would laugh telling me about what silly thing I said in my sleep the night before.

You came to Arkansas every Christmas and your car was always loaded to the max with presents. It made Christmas so much fun to open the trunk and car doors to see it so full.

Eventually you just moved to Arkansas because you wanted to be with us. It was about time :) You moved a block away. I think I was in the 5th or 6th grade because I remember when you had surgery to remove something they thought might be cancerous, and I was a nervous wreck all day until someone called to tell me that it was all good.

At your house you had a boys room and a girls room. You painted my room PINK. 3 walls were a pepto bismol pink with one dark pink accent wall. I seriously loved spending time in that room. It was there where I recorded every single episode of Full House and the new Mickey Mouse Club.

There for a while we would ride the bus to your house after school and stay till mom got home from work. You had the best snacks! Little Debbie cakes (specifically the wedding cakes and chocolate cakes) and Golden Grahams cereal. I would watch the Torkelsons every day and eat cereal. It was the best! You made the best pancakes (seriously, how did you do it? I've never been able to make them that good since). You bought all of my favorite foods. The over processed and amazing fettuccini alfredo in a bag, baked potatoes with velveeta, ramen noodles, Totinos pizza and cream soda. Yum!

Speaking of food, I wish I could go back to the mornings when papaw would take us to school and stop to get donuts on the way.

I took refuge at your house and in your bed more times than I can count. One time meant more than any other. Something terrible happened to me and your house was my safe place. It may have only been a block away from the incident but it felt like an island. You didn't comfort me with words but instead with warmth and love.

You were the unrecognized Wheel of Fortune champion. I so wish you would've had a chance to get on the show because you undoubtedly would've won. You watched it every single day. Along with the 700club.

You were at church every time the doors opened. You had such an amazing gift for interpreting tongues. Seriously, so cool. During the message, you would write messages to me (eye heart U)

We definitely had our rough moments too. Like the time you helped push me over the edge to become a Vegetarian by making deer hamburger.

Or the time I didn't speak to you for several months because you threw a fit and didn't show up to Mark's graduation. I remember seeing the look of hurt in your eyes and sound in your voice because I wouldn't talk to you.

You could be the most stubborn person. I am able to recognize now that trauma helps shape a person. You weren't mean but sometimes you could be hard and set in your ways.

You were in a house fire as a teenager/young adult and it left both physical and emotional scars.

You had two miscarriages and then lost an adult child in a tragic way. No parent should have to endure so much.

You had so many health problems. Honestly, there were so many times in junior high, high school and beyond when we thought we were losing you. We quickly learned that God used all of your traumatic events and turned you in to a fighter. And you trusted God through everything. We saw that first hand.

The past several years have been so hard to watch your body decline. It's not fair what you've had to go through with your legs. But one of my favorite, most recent memories was when we brought Canaan to see you for the first time. He was 3 months old. He was restless because we had been traveling but as soon as he was in your arms (and I mean it was that fast), he was sound asleep. No fuss, no rocking.. just asleep. I had to leave the room because it made me so emotional. I felt like even though he will never know you like I have, he got to experience your love first hand. It was special.

You Are SO Strong! I don't know if you feel like fighting this time, and honestly I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. It breaks my heart that my kids won't know you the way I do. But I have my memories and the greatest peace of all knowing that you are so close to seeing your Jesus, your babies, our babies and your son.