April 12, 2011

One year ago today was a weird day. I would even say it was a bad day.. At least I thought it was at the time.

The day started normal. I was excited because I had lunch plans with my great friend, Megan. I was teaching at Oak Grove but had 2 free hours around lunch time because I technically wasn't full time, so I was really looking forward to getting away from the school. I hadn't been at work for very long when I felt something weird and knew something wasn't right. I immediately thought the worst, that something had ruptured because of the miscarriage and surgery I had in September. I called the doctor's office and they seemed stumped.. I thought surely they would have some sort of idea that would make me feel better. They said, "could you be pregnant?". I said "well, I guess I could but I really don't see how that's possible giving the circumstances at the moment". I should note that just a week earlier Levi and I went to the doctor to talk to him about why we hadn't got pregnant since the loss. Anyway, the nurse told me to go ahead and take a pregnancy test just to rule it out. She too was pretty certain that I wasn't pregnant but before they could move on to the next thing we needed to know for sure.

The only store between the school and lunch was Dollar General so I stopped there to pick up a cheap pregnancy test (I will never buy those ridiculously expensive ones again). I knew it would be negative so I didn't feel I needed the fancy ones.

Lunch was good. I don't remember any of the conversation.. I was a little mad at myself for my mind being preoccupied with something I couldn't control. The test was in my purse and it might as well have been burning a hole through it.. it seemed like a ticking time bomb.

We got back to the bank (where my friends worked.. I went to lunch with two great friends instead of one), and I used the restroom there. I told Megan about the situation and she knew I was sure it was negative so it was really just a precaution to take the test. However, it didn't take very long for all of that to change. I didn't save the test and I didn't take a picture so I don't remember if it was a + sign or two pink lines.. all I knew was that "it" was happening again. My worst nightmare.. I was gonna lose another baby. After a hug from my friend, I was shaking as I left and made the dreaded call to Levi.

To be honest, I don't remember the rest of the day. I know I stayed at work and taught the rest of the day. I called the doctor's office and made an appointment.. I called friends and they started praying for us.. That's all I remember. One of these days, I will look back at April 12th and will only remember that it was the day we realized our dream was coming true.. that Canaan had an interesting way of announcing he was here..

It took me several weeks to finally believe it was happening. At 5 weeks we saw/heard his heartbeat.. This was HUGE.. Our doctor, who was with us for the loss, was extremely encouraged but this. In fact, once he found the heartbeat he said "that's your baby. You're having a baby". It was amazing to hear him say that.. but for me, it wasn't enough. I had to see progress from there. It wasn't until week 14 when I felt confident that things were going to work out. Because we found out at 2 1/2 weeks, it was a LONG journey to 14 weeks.. lots of doctors visits, lots of monitoring, lots of praying, lots of being prayed over and for.. Words can't express how thankful we are for our friends and family who prayed for us and celebrated with us.. they knew what I couldn't quite know for myself.. that our promised child was on his way!