My Oceans moment

Today is our youngest baby's birthday. He's two. His birthday is also an anniversary of the start of a very hard season for me. A difficult, but important season. For the first two days of his life, I wasn't too phased by the fact that one of my legs was still numb. We could still blame it on the epidural at this point.. even though it was a little odd because normally it wore off by now. My blood pressure was high and we were all concerned about that but it wasn't too dangerous to receive a magnesium drip (I got this with our first baby and it was the worst--so I considered this an improvement). Declan was having breathing issues so he was spending time in the NICU hooked up to tubes. I don't want to underestimate the trauma that this was for me as well. With everything going on, this was icing on the cake to not have my baby with me. You see, my heart exploded with his arrival.. I was so in love, so attached to him, that the sight of tubes in his nose and iv's in his hands were just too much for me. It's honestly a little embarrassing to remember how emotional I was seeing him like this. Even though I knew it would all be ok.

My Oceans moment had already begun but I didn't realize it yet. The next few days we had to stay at the hospital. Me for my numb leg and blood pressure and Declan was still receiving antibiotics and in the NICU for his breathing. Every time the doctor and nurse came in they were getting more worried about my leg. It was no longer normal for my leg to be numb because of the epidural. I was an emotional wreck. Anyone who came to visit witnessed a breakdown. We received so many prayers and I will never be able to tell them just how much I appreciated those moments. I needed it so much. I was discharged on a Friday in order to go see a neurosurgeon because the MRI showed a herniated disc at the lowest disc in my back. I knew it was there. Well, I thought I had been healed from it because I hadn't had pain in years, and still wasn't in pain.. just numb. Declan, however, was not discharged. Leaving my baby at the hospital was the hardest thing. The neurosurgeon was not as concerned as my OB was. I was a blubbering mess talking to him about everything that was going on and he was cold and matter-of-fact. That was hard. I already felt ridiculous being so emotional and to be met by someone who was overly uncomfortable at my presence was disheartening. But thankfully, he wasn't doom and gloom about my situation and I was grateful. To this day, no one knows why my leg went numb.

For the next two weeks I slowly started getting better thanks to the medication. I was thankful to be home. I remember crawling to the bathroom to take a shower. I know I could've had help but there are worse things than crawling. My blood pressure was still high, too. I began physical therapy almost immediately and it was painful. Electrodes on my leg shocking me every 8 seconds as I try to move my foot. My calf was on fire and I was constantly terrified that I had a blood clot. Seriously, I was a wreck. I went to the urgent care clinic more times than I would like to admit because my blood pressure was high and my leg was on fire. Pulmonary embolism scared the hell out of me.

You see why I call this my Oceans moment. Not one single moment but a season of them. Every single time I checked my blood pressure and it was high, I thought I was dying. Every time my calf reminded me of my back issues, I felt it was a cruel joke for God to bring us this new life only for it to cost me my own. I can't stress enough that I thought I was dying. It's not too ridiculous of a thought considering a co-worker died of a hypertensive stroke just a few weeks before Declan was born. She was my age. The enemy knew what he was doing. He knows how important my family is to me and he knows how to scare me. Fear is emotional atheism. We had been through so much but I never really dealt with my fear.

Before Declan was here, Hillsong came out with a song called Oceans. It was my favorite song and I prayed that my faith would be strengthened. Be careful what you pray for... To this day I can't sing the song. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that my faith has been strengthened. The Lord has truly carried me through all of the hard times. Sorry if you're reading this hoping for my moment of clarity where I am able to make it through every hard moment from now on because of this experience. The most important thing that the Lord revealed to me was that I had to deal with my fear.  In the past, whenever the enemy starts speaking a lie to me, I always let it in. I would play out every situation with the worst case scenario in mind. The enemy fed on my fear and sent me in to some really dark places. Through freedom prayer, I've discovered where he first started using these lies and the Lord spoke truth into those places so I could get freedom. It was hard work, just as painful as physical therapy and something I will have to continue for the rest of my life.

I came to realize that my faith will be tested. There will be moments where my trust is without borders. I have a choice. Do I live in that uncomfortable, yet comfortable fear that I've known for so long.. or do I let the Holy Spirit lead me in those moments. Do I let Him lead me on the water in faith? I have to. If I don't I am setting myself and my family up for generational curses. I've broken those chains and I can't go back.

In the past two years, I feel like an onion. The Lord peeled back the layers of fear, doubt, anxiety, sin, brokenness. And then He added even more layers of faith, trust, love, and joy. Choosing joy has been one of the hardest decisions. To realize that true joy isn't in circumstances but is in Jesus. A bad day or season doesn't make a bad life and doesn't determine joy. This has been the hardest lesson but has been so worth it. I am automatically winning because I have Jesus.

The light and the dark

We've made some memories this week. I love memories. Never again will I get the chance to really begin introducing Canaan to God. He's heard about God and Jesus when we pray at night or over food. He's learned things at church, too. But, on Monday, August 18, I intentionally began teaching Canaan about God. We started with the very beginning, because well, that's where you should start. If you don't start at the beginning, you will eventually back pedal.

Today, we finished up our week covering the letter C, the number 1 and the Bible verse Genesis 1:1. It was such a great and successful week. Every day we had tons of fun and Canaan loved going to "school". It fulfilled my goal of having routine and structure in our day and helped eliminate some of the boredom that can come with having the day wide open and no plans. See previous post for the lesson plans of each day. We followed it pretty well with the exception of Wednesday and today. On Wednesday, we added the caterpillar project. I'll attach pictures but to go along with the artwork, we read "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and talked about circles. I was super proud of Canaan for putting the cut out circles in the correct places and giving me directions on where to draw the legs for each circle. Today, instead of doing the creation project I had originally planned, we are going to put that off for later when we talk about Day 4 of creation. So the project today was in direct correlation with Day 1 of creation. The pictures will help explain it.

So, first, Canaan painted the inside of a shoebox completely black

Side note: It would definitely take less time if I did it, but that's not the point.

Then, I had him look inside the box.. What do you see? "Dark" Exactly.

 Then, I put the flashlight part of my phone (actual flashlight was dead) at the other end of the box and then asked what he saw.. "LIGHT".

It was so much fun to see his reaction. Another great resource is the Kids Bible App. They have a story on creation and it's great. It's animated and Canaan just cracks up playing with the animals on it. While I was rocking Declan, I could hear him playing with it. There is a page for when God created light and dark and I could hear Canaan turning the light on and off saying "light and dark". It was really neat to hear him acting out what he has been taught. 

 Here are a couple of other pictures from the week. What I've decided to do instead of hoarding all of his work and instead of throwing it away, is to give it to family members. I'll keep some of it at first to use as review but then it will be mailed off to loved ones. In the picture above, I wrote a description of what we did this week for family who don't have Facebook.

"School" has been a success. Now I'm working on next week's plans.

The letter of the week is 'C'

Yesterday, at the Gilbert house, we started "school". Now, I know what you're thinking.. Canaan is only 2, why do you need to start school? Kids need to be playing, not learning.. Let me assure you, I am not an overachiever. I'm not working toward the next Einstein or whatever. I've read those stories of kids who know their ABC's and 1,2,3's before age 2 because parents constantly quiz them... that's not me.  I'm not about that life.

My purpose of "school" is 3-fold.

First, we need some routine in our day. Not only do we need routine but we need structure. Children need to know how to sit down for something and pay attention. Children in daycare and preschool learn to sit down and participate in activities, story time, meal time, etc. A few days ago, I got this horrible vision that my kids would be the ones with a terrible attention span because all we did was play all day long without them learning how to sit still and pay attention to instruction. Especially because I plan to homeschool, this aspect is super important to me. Pre-school and Kindergarten teachers spend a lot of time teaching their students systems for how to go about their day without chaos. Why not start now?

Second, toddlers have such an appetite to learn. Canaan loves school now because it is low-pressure and fun. If I can foster that attitude and keep it going, the goal is to keep building on skills he's learned and when it's time for kindergarten it will be an easy transition.

Third, it is so important to us that our kids learn about Jesus. Our church does such an awesome job of having Bible stories and lessons prepared whenever we go on the weekends, but it isn't our church's responsibility to teach our children about God. Deuteronomy says it all:

 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Now, when I say that we have "school", I obviously do not mean 8-3 with a nap in the middle. School for a 2 year old means- when Declan goes down for a nap at 10-10:30- I bring out Canaan's table and chair and we have school for an hour (maybe). The rest of the day we will re-visit different things we've learned. For instance, at dinner, we may have carrots.. Guess, what Canaan? 'C' is for Carrots! Ha!

Because we are in no hurry and because Canaan is only 2, we will stay on a certain topic for a week at a time, if not more. For instance, this week, we are covering: 

- the letter C

- the number 1

- Day 1 of Creation

- Genesis 1:1

Here is a look at this week's schedule:

Monday: 

Introduce the letter "C"

- trace the letter in flour on baking pan, color the letter 'C', Talk about things that start with the letter C.

Introduce our verse: Genesis 1:1- In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Repeat several times and break a part so Canaan can repeat easily.

- Read the children's Bible

-Introduce the number 1 

-Dance and sing song "In the Beginning"

Tuesday: 

-Review verse of the week: repeat several times

- Review the letter 'C' and spotlight "Clouds"- go outside and look at clouds

- glue cotton balls in a 'C'

- Read the story in the Kids Bible App about Creation

- Talk about the #1 and how on day 1 God created night and day. Practice light and dark by turning lights on and off several times

- Also, practice learning #1 by coloring with one crayon at a time

- Flash card for both letter 'C' and #1

-Watch a video about clouds

Dance and sing song of the week

Wednesday

- Review concepts from previous days (trace letter in flour, talk about things that start with 'C', etc)

- 'C' stands for "Car"- play with cars

- Review day 1 of creation: Read Bible story again, have Canaan tell it

- Practice Bible verse

- Color sheet (car themed)

Thursday

- Field trip to Mrs. Debbie's farm

- On the way- sing song and recite verse, also discuss what we'll see and about God's creation

-When we get home: coloring sheet ('C' is for "cows" and "chickens"- God created everything)

Friday

- Review everything from the week

- Art: God's creation of day and night

Some things will change and that's ok. Teachers adapt and adjust all the time. Structure is good but too much structure is not. Kids need to know that they are secure and their learning environment will accommodate their needs. 

So far, Canaan is loving it!! He really loves the Kids Bible App and throughout the day he will pick up the iPad and go read the story himself and play with the interactive pictures. When Levi gets home, Canaan tells him all about "school" and Levi is so good to help keep the concepts fresh throughout the afternoon and evening. It really is about finding ways to incorporate learning in every part of the day, not just a designated time. 

Also, I did not create every activity for the week or the weeks to come. My motto has always been to "work smarter, not harder"- there is no need to reinvent the wheel. Tons of people have created amazing lesson plans, color sheets, folder games, etc.. The key is to take what's already been made and change it for your needs. 

Here are some pics: 

Healing Is In Your Hands

The past several weeks have been difficult. I've known that I won't be returning next year, so just "getting through" these two months has been a challenge. However, God has really opened up my eyes to some serious needs. Since returning, I've had a few very specific prayer requests arise. Before having Declan, I wouldn't have near as much sensitivity to some of these needs. I know that God has placed me back in this school for these two months so that I can speak to these situations and believe on their behalf.

If you pray, please help me pray and believe for healing in these situations.

1. One student, a teenage girl, doesn't speak to her dad. He is a wonderful, involved father and person, but he and her mother divorced a few years ago and she will not forgive him. I understand divorce is hard, especially when all you've known is shattered, but she will regret this season. She is being told lies by her mom about her dad. Parents should never, ever speak badly of each other.. even if it's true. A child, no matter the age, deserves both parents. Her dad calls and texts every day. He has been to every single game and anything else she has been involved in. She sees him there and ignores him. My heart breaks for him. As a parent, I just can't imagine.

2. While I was on maternity leave, one of my 9th grade students learned she has a heart condition. She couldn't tell me the name of it but said it causes her heart rate to skyrocket to over 200bpm while resting. Today I asked for an update and she said she is being consumed with worry and negative thoughts which then makes her blood pressure rise. Boy, do I know that situation! I was able to speak to her about meds, diet and lifestyle changes, and finally about Jesus! I wrote her a note with thinking and speaking positive thoughts, including scripture over her situation. She initiated the conversation about Jesus so I was able to add to it! Praise the Lord! She is also concerned with how the meds she's on is causing so many side effects which are then causing her to be on more meds to treat the new symptoms. The dr is hoping she will grow out of it to avoid surgery but she is considering surgery to avoid the problems caused by the meds.

3. Upon returning from ML, I had several "new" students. I say "new" because they are new to me. Never in my class before. One of these students, I have come to love. She is openly agnostic. But you can tell she has a desire to know God. She talks about it almost constantly. She makes comments that she is "too far gone".. but we know she isn't. She isn't a bad person by any means. The worst thing she does is play pranks on people in Walmart. Ask me about it one day and I'll tell you.. it's actually pretty funny. She suffers from depression and is considered bi-polar. These and much worse run in her family. Her father, whom she hardly knows is on dialysis and not expected to make it much longer. Her mom suffers from multiple-personality disorder and schizophrenia. The student has been in the ER lately because any exertion of energy (walking up stairs) causes her heart are to go up dramatically and causes her to pass out. The dr's haven't been able to diagnose her and are planning to put her on a heart monitor for a few weeks. I'm believing for her curiosity about Jesus to continue to grow  and for the right people to be around when she has questions. Today, I gave her a gift that had some scriptures on it. When some other students made a comment about her "lack of belief" she said she is curious. She likes to study religion. So I said that I don't do it for religion, I do it for the relationship. I know seeds have been planted.

Please, please pray with me for these ladies. Each very serious and can only be healed by Jesus.

A good day

It's been a really good, uneventful day.

I had one last personal day so I decided to take off. Levi has enough days so he took off work too. We still sent the kids to their respective child care. 

I had a physical done today- blood pressure and blood work- yuck! Blood pressure was pretty good.. I like it to be lower, but it's close to what you can expect being a rushed morning and being in a dr's office. As for blood work, it will be a few days before I get those results.

Next, Levi and I had breakfast at Stobys. Yum!! Seriously, so good! Then we organized some in the attic and got stuff together for a yard sale. Gotta make some money so I can get some Chacos. I would sell my hair for some Chacos. Then I enjoyed a nice nap.. That never happens! 

We got to pick the boys up together. Canaan loves when he sees both mama and daddy picking him up. His teachers informed us that he is a "leader" in his class. He's always correcting them and taking the lead over the class. We appreciate the way they used "leader" instead of "Mr.Bossy-pants". We will claim the leadership quality and will work with him on being Christ-like in his leadership skills. 

If you read, remember to leave a comment with an update on you and yours. 

Keeping up with the Gilberts

Here is my wish for this blog..

#1 That I would keep up with it.

#2 That it would help phase me out of Facebook.. at least get me away from being on it as much. I've found myself compulsively checking Facebook WAYYY too much. I usually end up getting sad about things I see or even mad, or jealous (a little embarrassed about that one). SO, I'm hoping to use this blog the way I planned to use Facebook. To keep up with friends and family. I may post a couple of times a day (although the goal is once or less), or it may be a few days in between posts. The main goal is to keep friends and family involved in what's going on at the Gilbert casa.

#3 My third and final wish is that if you visit my blog and read my post, that you will leave a comment with something going on in your life so I can keep up with YOU.

So here goes..

This has been a wonderful weekend! On Friday, Mark, Candace, and Hayden came to visit!! Ok, so they were getting out to celebrate their FIVE year anniversary.. but I've really been missing my nephew so it was a really great end to a stressful week.

On Saturday, Levi and I took advantage of a Christmas present that Levi got for us. He paid our favorite babysitter, KC, in advance for 20 hours of babysitting. Great present, right?! So we went to the movies to see X-Men. Great movie! We also got breakfast at Panera before and went to try on some Chacos. Which, I want some REALLY bad but not enough to shell out $100! Why must all the good things be so expensive?!

Saturday night we went to "chuch" as Canaan calls it. He alternates between calling it "skool" and "chuch" depending on his mood, I guess. It was Declan's first time in the baby room. He did great and we were told he laughed the whole time. It was nice to sit in service without fear of having to walk out with a crying or fussy baby.

Sunday we had lunch with our favorites, Uncle Abe, Aunt Sisi and Baby Zeke. It was long overdue, but I think we've all been a little nervous to get out with the now THREE kids we have between the two couples. Other than that, we had pineapple whip and enjoyed being at home!

Today we played outside, we played inside, we watched Toy Story (surprise!) and Declan and I got out to meet his Pediatrician so she could check his ears. How awesome is our friend that she would meet us at the clinic (it wasn't open) to check his ears. He's been pulling at them and as I suspected, he has an ear infection. He had one recently and we were bad parents and neglected to finish out his antibiotic (apparently twice a day is just way too much for us).  Pray for our baby's ears.

Tomorrow, Levi and I both took off work but are taking the boys to their daycares. This will be the last time we'll get to do this because in two weeks I will be home FOR GOOD! I am SO excited. I'm a little nervous too.. I mean, what DO you do with two boys all day?! I'll figure it out, I'm sure. Anyway, I also have a physical tomorrow (insurance pays for one free physical a year so I'm taking advantage. The doctor took me off blood pressure meds a month ago.. Praise JESUS! So I'm believing that my bp is still down and that everything else is perfect!

Well, Declan's mouth is finally a much lighter shade of purple after using Gentian Violet for his thrush issues, so we are going to attempt five month pictures. Remember to comment with something about your life or family.

Let's keep in touch!

Health check

So.... here's an update, health wise.

So far, my blood pressure is still high. I'm on medication again and I really am only seeing a lower number when I wake up in the morning. Duh. It gets pretty frustrating.

What am I doing?

I'm doing 30 minutes of cardio a day. Sometimes more.
I'm drinking a healthy smoothie almost every day. Kale, Spinach, Pineapple, Banana, Chia seeds, Greek Yogurt and Green Superfood supplement.
I'm trying, REALLY trying to cut back on sugar. Sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not.
No soda. No sweet tea. This is huge.
No white flour. Only whole wheat bread.
Cut back majorly on processed foods. Maybe eating 50% processed foods ( I want to say less than that but am being conservative). Definitely nothing out of a box, mainly things that are added like seasonings, oatmeal, sauces, bread..
As of yesterday, I've started taking Lifebeat from Inspire International. It's full of good stuff. I'm really excited about it.

What I need to be doing...
Start doing Pilates on top of cardio.
Be more aggressive in my cardio.
Be successful at cutting out sugar more consistently.
Eat even less processed foods.
Cook more and experiment with new foods.
STOP STRESSING! Trust and be confident that God has this!