2.20.2013
Dear Canaan,
Today is one of the saddest days of my life. My Papa, your Great Papa Jim, passed away.
One of the greatest sorrows of my life is that you won't remember him. And you have already loved him so much. Every time you've been around him, you have taken to him like he was your best friend.
And oh, how he loved you!! We always knew you gave him such joy because he would say "you're a dandy".. whatever that means. I don't think there were real words for how much he thought of you.
But you won't experience it again in this life.
I will always treasure the sacrifices he made to be near you/us this past year. He had every reason to stay home in his comfortable recliner and enormous big screen tv. But he made sure that he made it to everything possible.
The first trip was to your dedication. He had just recently been diagnosed and received chemo treatments. He was tired. But he was there! He was able to lay hands on you and pray for your future!
When we were able to go to OKC, he made sure that he could go to wherever the family was meeting. He would sit in his chair and he would watch you. You brought him so much joy!
I am so thankful that he came to your 1st birthday party. He didn't need to come. Medically, he should not have been there. But he made the decision and he wasn't backing down. We totally would have understood. In fact, it was completely unexpected. I am still, so thankful he shared in this day! He was so exhausted but he sat on the couch and just watched you enjoy your day.
If I would have known at Christmas that it would be the last time we would see him, I don't know what I would've done differently.. maybe never leave.
I remember growing up and my mom would mention her grand parents, my great grandparents. She loved them so much. I couldn't understand the pain behind the loss. I didn't know them like she did. I didn't understand the regret of not knowing them. But I do now..
You will always be your great-papa's "dandy". You held a very precious place in his heart.
I won't go in to how sad it makes me that he won't know your future sibling(s) or your future cousins. I do believe he is currently chasing after your older siblings (the ones you never got to play with here).
While I'm so sad that you won't remember him, I'm so thankful that he got to know you.
